


The Goblin's Head Student Bar

by francis_spathiphyllum



Category: Inn Between (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:26:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21734482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/francis_spathiphyllum/pseuds/francis_spathiphyllum
Summary: It's a College/University AU! Every fandom needs one, right?The Goblin's Head Student Bar is looking for new student bartenders. Surely this won't lead to shenanigans, hijinks, and found family?
Comments: 27
Kudos: 17





	1. The Goblin's Head

Tessa shuffled her notes in her hands, briefly scanning the pages and what she had jotted down during the interviews. It was that time of year again; every year she recruited the Goblin’s Head student ‘heroes’ for the year – a desperate attempt by the university to glamourize the job of the student bartenders and put them on the same prestigious level of other universities in the country.

To qualify as a ‘student bar’ and get all the dubious benefits an institution got from association with a university, the bar had to recruit a certain number of students. Thus, every year, Tessa had to sit through interviews with keen students, trying to root out anybody who thought this was an easy way to access alcohol or money.

She usually got some kids who would be aiming to scam her, but she was pretty successful at this point at sussing them out. Occasionally there would be one or two really remarkable students who struck Tessa as noteworthy; these she would hire and, without exception, they would either go on to great things or end up teaching something to Tessa throughout the course of working for her over the academic year. However, for the most part, Tessa’s ‘heroes’ were average students who, after years of recruiting them, barely registered to her.

In reality, giving a title of ‘hero’ to the student staff did little to change the perception of them, nor did it attract any more or less ‘heroic’ students to apply. There were some exceptions to this, but these exceptions mostly came from ignorance. The bartenders of other universities’ bars automatically became members of exclusive societies or the like, and occasionally Tessa got applicants who had come into the misconception that the ‘heroes’ were one of these societies, and aimed to get into these prestigious societies and rub shoulders with the powerful.

A prime of example of this had been Tessa’s first interview for the day. A burly young man with his chin held high and a beanie jammed firmly over his head had sauntered in and announced himself as Sterling Whitetower, and then declared that he wanted to be a hero. Throughout the interview Tessa had tried to explain to him subtly that he had got the wrong end of the stick, but the man seemed incapable of listening to anything she was trying to say to him. Honestly, this did not bode fantastically well for his capability as an employee, but he seemed like he might be good in a highly pressured situation, and he had some prior experience in the bar of his previous university. When she had tried to ask him some more about this, he had clammed up, which was suspicious. She had marked him as a _Maybe_.

The next applicant had been familiar to her – or, she should say, they both were. Fina Butterbuns was a frequent musician at the bar’s weekly open-mic nights, and she was almost always accompanied by her friend Betty Triguut, who’s height and general muscularity only emphasised her friend’s shortness. Tessa had not heard Betty say much, but that may have been because she had heard Fina speak a _great_ deal. It had been somewhat surprising to have two people arrive at an interview for a single person, but after making clear that they were applying as a team, they agreed to interview separately.

Fina’s interview had been amusing; for each question Tessa asked, Fina had a story or anecdote to tell to demonstrate that she and Betty were the dream team, and that most of the other students were ‘useful only in their capacity as blueprints for idiots’. Every other thing she said was praise for her ‘dearest associate’ Betty, and it seemed that if she didn’t mention the money she’d get from the job she’d get twitchy. Tessa had greatly enjoyed the interview, but she wasn’t sure how great a bartender she’d be. On the one hand, she’d be fantastic at keeping the patrons entertained, but she also seemed like she would get very easily distracted on the job. Also, she had very happily told her that neither she nor Betty ‘could math’, which could be a bit tricky for people handling money.

Betty’s interview had been a lot less frenetic than Fina’s. Betty spoke a great deal slower, and with seeming more thought than her friend, explaining that English was not her first language. When Tessa had remarked how impressed she was that Betty managed to keep up with Fina, Betty had chuckled and explained that Fina didn’t really give her a choice; determined to ensure that Betty never missed any of her wit or hilarious repartee. When Tessa asked why she wanted the job, Betty explained that she was somewhat indifferent to the job itself, but that Fina was enthusiastic, and she was here to support her friend. She said she’s previously worked as a bouncer in various places, which was a skill set that Tessa definitely admired in a prospective employee. Tessa had put Fina and Betty – together, since she was sure that it was pointless to consider them separately – as another _Maybe_.

The next applicant had been somewhat surprising for Tessa; it was relatively unusual for her to get mature students applying for a position. But the person who walked in next was certainly a mature student; and a rather mature student, given that most mature students were anything above the age of twenty-five. But this person’s hair was grey, and they were clearly at least a generation older than Tessa herself, let alone the students. They smiled cheerily when Tessa welcomed them in. They introduced themselves as Velune, a theology student who had returned to the university to further their studies. When Tessa started to ask why they wanted the position, Velune had interrupted her with a serene shrug and explained that they were pretty lonely, and just wanted to find a way to meet new people. They seemed pretty unflappable, which was good in a bartender, especially on hectic nights. Tessa had marked them down as a _Probable Yes_.

Tessa had almost sent the last interviewee away, believing him to be a lost teenager. Before she could do so, however, he had stuttered out that his name was Meltyre, and that he was here for the job application? He didn’t seem sure, frankly. Tessa hadn’t been very convinced, but the lad had looked so uneasy about it she’d invited him in for a cup of tea and an interview. Meltyre interviewed _terribly_ ; stuttering and wheezing and clearly extremely anxious about the whole thing. However, Tessa could tell that underneath all the anxiety this was clearly a very bright lad, and he made it very clear he would be dedicated to this job – apparently it was _very_ important to him. She wanted to help him, but she really didn’t see how he would handle the rowdier patrons. She had marked him down as a _Maybe_.

Having quickly reviewed her notes, Tessa moved on to her next stage of the interviews. This was something a secret stage that she had developed after a couple of years of recruitment. It was all well and good hiring people as individuals, but this often meant that the group dynamic was… awkward at best. And in a job like bartending, seamless teamwork was invaluable, especially on the busier days. Thus, Tessa had added this aspect of the interviews.

At the end of each interview, Tessa had asked the interviewee to go and wait out in the backroom of the bar. This room was occasionally rented out by various societies, and it had a couple of sofas and a coffee table, but little else. In Tessa’s experience eventually there would be some kind of interaction. And sure enough, only a moment after Tessa leaned against the thin wall behind the bar that let her hear what was going on in the room she heard Fina’s voice.

“Hey, kid, we’ve been here for ages now, did the good barkeep give any indication how many more she’d be interviewing?”

“Um, me?” came the voice of Meltyre, “Uh, she didn’t say anything to me. I was the last person I saw waiting though.”

“What are we still doing here then?” There was a scuffling sound, as if Fina had kicked at the coffee table, “I’m bored! I’ve got stuff to do! Why can’t she just give us the job and let us go?”

“What makes you so sure you’ve got the job?” The haughty voice of Sterling Whitetower drifted through, “You don’t really seem like ‘hero’ material to me.”

There was the sound of raucous laughter.

“Jeeze, get a load of Captain America over here. Please don’t tell me you take all this ‘hero’ stuff seriously?”

Fina’s statement made Betty giggle, and Sterling make an affronted noise.

“Of course I take it seriously! I suppose you think this is all a joke?”

“Oh, no, Tropic Thunder, worry not! I take all matters of money and ways I may acquire it _extremely_ seriously.”

“Oh, I see, this is all about the money for you?” Sterling sneered, “And that’s _not_ my name.”

“Um, yeah, it’s a job? That’s the point of a job? The money?” Fina jeered, “And what is your name, Pretty Boy?”

“Not that.” He grumbled, “My name is Sterling Wh-”

“Whitetower?” Meltyre’s voice piped up suddenly, “You’re Sterling Whitetower? The one who was expelled from St Cuthbert’s Academy of Education?”

“Hey! I am innocent.” shouted Sterling, “I was falsely accused. I’m going to clear my na-”

“Oh! Oh-ho-ho!” Fina sounded delighted, “Captain Ameri-can’t over here is not so much a ‘hero’, huh? Not so heroic to be caught up in a scandal, is it? And _such_ a scandal as well…”

“Shut up.” Sterling ground out.

“Or what, Pretty Boy?” It sounded like Sterling may have stood up at this.

“Or I’ll c-”

There was a sound of a scuffle, and then something that sounded unmistakably like Sterling yelping with indignation.

“Don’t touch her.” Betty growled.

“Put me down!”

“Okay, okay, let’s calm down.” Velune spoke for the first time, “Let’s all take a deep breath. If we’re going to potentially work together, we can’t be doing this. I’m sure no offence was meant. Clearly, Mr. Whitetower doesn’t want to talk about it.”

“No.” grunted Sterling.

“Hey, whatever, no skin off my nose Pretty Boy.” Fina hummed, “What about you two? Any secrets or scandals we should know about?”

There was a beat that lasted slightly too long.

“No! Nope, no, nothing with me.” Meltyre giggled nervously.

“No, I don’t believe so.” Velune responded much calmer.

“Well… that wasn’t suspicious in the slightest.” Fina observed, “If not scandals, any of y’all got names? We know the oh-so-innocent Mr. Whitetower’s name. I’m the esteemed Fina Butterbuns, and this beautiful badass here is my charming friend Betty.”

“My name is Velune.”

“Uh I’m Meltyre.”

“See! Now we’re all friends!”

“Um, Miss Betty?” Sterling sounded nervous for the first time, “Would you mind putting me down?”

“Ha, don’t call Betty ‘Miss’. She doesn’t like that!” Fina crooned.

There was a sound of something being roughly dropped to the ground.

“Er, thanks. And, um, I won’t call you ‘Miss’ anymore. Sorry.”

“No worries.” Betty replied gruffly.

“So, um, do we draw straws for who goes to ask Miss Tessa when we can leave?” Meltyre asked.

Tessa stood up straight again, moving away from the wall. Yes, she thought this might work out. And who knows? Maybe this years' ‘heroes’ would be special.


	2. The First Shift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so here we go with chapter 2! Most notes are after the chapter, but I thought I'd give a heads up here.
> 
> There will be mentions of alcohol and drunkenness, both in this chapter and throughout the fic. Also probably pretty minor violence. Since they all work in a bar, this is part of the setting. Sorry. Most of this will be characters talking about it after the fact. If any of the characters will be drinking heavily or engaging in violence 'on screen' as it were, I'll put a heads up at the beginning of the chapter. I'm going to try and be stringent about this, but if you feel you can't read, I understand. Take care of yourselves!

An exhausted Meltyre collapsed into his seat. It was two in the morning. Around the table, the rest of the student bartenders were gathered, each looking just as bedraggled and drained. Sterling’s shirt, once pristinely clean, had several large stains of indeterminate origin. Fina had, at some point over the course of the evening, acquired a black eye. Velune looked like they were ready to melt into the floor. Betty was for the most part in seeming mint condition, although she had a scowl on her face that indicated that her mood was not so unspoiled.

Every so often in their lives, people encounter baptisms of fire. Most students experienced these during their exams, or perhaps during particularly trying social situations. For the ‘heroes’ of the Goblin’s Head Student Bar, this came with their first shift on the bar, usually a collective shift on a Friday night. Tessa found this usually weeded out anybody who couldn’t cope with the pressure of bartending. It was also, she discovered, a perfect way to force a group of people to forge strong bonds – nothing like shared trauma to bind people together.

“Well, I think that went very well!” Tessa beamed at the five done in students, “I’m going to go do a stock take, then we can do a post-shift debrief. See you in a bit!”

With that, she vanished to the stock room behind the bar, and waited. As if she didn’t keep track throughout the evening or know exactly what stock they still had. She was a professional, after all.

For a moment, there was no talking in the room. When it became apparent that Tessa was not coming back immediately, Meltyre groaned and sank forward to rest his head on the table. As soon as his forehead hit the surface, Sterling shot forward and grabbed his shoulder, violently pulling back into a sitting position.

“I _just_ cleaned that!” Sterling snarled as Meltyre yelped in pain.

“Hey, hands off him!” Betty growled, in turn grabbing Sterling’s arm and pulling it off the startled Meltyre.

“Oh, now you don’t want to fight, sure.” Sterling muttered angrily. He wrenched his arm out of Betty’s grip but made no more moves towards either her or Meltyre, instead dropping back into his chair.

“What does that mean?” Betty demanded.

“Perhaps we could all calm down?” pleaded Velune, but they were summarily ignored.

“It means that maybe the night would have gone a lot smoother if you could have stopped being rude to customers.” Sterling scoffed, “I think everything could have gone a lot smoother if you had been a bit more charming.”

“Oh, charming!” Fina jumped up (both metaphorically and literally, onto her chair so that she was on level with Sterling) to defend her friend, “You mean like yourself, oh Hotspur? Hm, tell me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think it was Betty who got the most drinks thrown at her? In fact, I think that only one of our esteemed number had that dubious honour. Hm, who was that again?”

“I was a victim of false assumptions!” Sterling huffed, “They obviously had heard the accusations made against me. When I clear my name th-”

“Oh, no, Top Gun,” chortled Fina, “you were a victim of your own stuck-upedness. Stuck upidity? Whatever, you get it. You’re not at St Cuthbert’s anymore, that holy-than-thou attitude ain’t gonna fly here.”

“And,” Betty pointed out, “You kept taking more than your share of the tips. They’re supposed to be shared equally.”

“I only did that because clearly I had earned it more!”

“Okay, now hang on a second there!”

“Please, peace. There’s no need to argue.” Velune implored once again.

“Fine!” Fina sat back down, “I can’t be bothered to come up with new insults anyway.”

“You couldn’t be bothered to work, either.” Meltyre pointed out unwisely. Almost immediately, Fina became animated again.

“Excuse me, kid?”

“Well, you didn’t do any actual work.” Meltyre continued to demonstrate his lack of self-preservation, “You spent the whole time just chatting to customers.”

“Well, I had to! You could barely get a word out to the customers, every time you tried to take an order you created a queue. I had to keep the people entertained, they’re here to have fun.”

“You could have taken the orders yourself.” Betty pointed out.

“Gasp! Shock! Horror!” Fina exclaimed, “Betrayal! From you? How could you?”

“Did you just say ‘gasp’?” Meltyre asked, to no response.

“I’m just saying.” Betty responded, “The queue probably would have gone down faster if there had been two people working it.”

“Okay!” Velune’s voice for a moment seamed sharp, which was enough to draw everyone’s attention immediately, “My turn.”

There was a period of silence while the other four stared at each other, confused.

“What are you talking about, Velune?” Meltyre asked at last.

“Well, clearly we’re taking turns complaining about each other.” When Velune responded, their voice was much calmer, “Nobody’s said what I did wrong yet. So what was it? Was I too slow?”

“No, Velune, you were fine.” Sterling answered, perplexed, “You were good at keeping everything together when it got really chaotic.”

“Oh!” They smiled cheerily, “Thank you! I actually had a really good time.”

When they smiled round at the group, it felt as if their calm energy was infectious. It spread around the group like a wave of serenity.

“You know, Sterling, you were really good at checking people’s IDs.” Betty said, if slightly begrudgingly, “I kept forgetting about that.”

“Oh! Thanks Betty. Um, you were invaluable with all the really drunk people. I didn’t think I was ever going to get them to leave.”

Emerging from the stock room, Tessa smiled, listening to her new employees as they fell into jovial compliments. Ah, nothing like young people to rapidly shift from low to high spirits.

“Meltyre, your maths skills were amazing – you’re like a wizard with the till.”

“Well, Fina, I can’t imagine ever having your customer skills. And you were so helpful with all the drinks I didn’t know the names of.”

“Okay, so I think it’s time to sort out shifts.” Tessa explained, surprising everybody by appearing over their shoulders suddenly, “We can work it out over time, but anybody got any early ideas on who would work well together?”

Almost immediately, several voiced piped up.

“Well, I wouldn’t mind working some more with Meltyre, if he would be amenable.”

“Oh! Well, sure, Sterling!”

“I think that I could work well with Betty.”

“Fina and Sterling should work a shift together.”

“Oh, Betty, sweetheart, you are just asking for trouble there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I work out shift timetables for this imaginary bar? Yes.  
> Slightly shorter this time. Chapters will vary in length depending on the plot and also on me and my life.
> 
> I've roughly worked out a publishing schedule - I'm hoping to publish on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays during the vac. I don't know how much I'll keep to this, but I'll try my best. I'll probably end up ceasing for a while when term starts again, but I'll try to make sure the break comes at a satisfying point in the writing.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, and have a nice day! Tune in on Friday to see how Tessa will next force the gang into emotional development by standing in another room.


	3. The Student

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fina and Meltyre have had a very dull shift. Fina... is bored.

When Sterling and Velune entered the bar, they were greeted by a yelp of delight. Sterling was shocked to see that this yelp had come from Fina, who had never previously greeted him with anything more than mocking disdain. But here she was, eyes lit up at the prospect of his – and Velune’s – company. _Perhaps_ , he considered, _I have won her over somewhat_.

“Oh, thank the gods!” Fina declared, “I thought you were never going to get here. I’m so bored I was about to start talking to the tonic water.”

 _Ah._ Sterling frowned, _Perhaps not._

“Haven’t you had Miss Tessa to talk to?” he pointed out, “And isn’t Meltyre on shift too?”

“Oh, don’t get me started on the kid.” She tilted her head in a mockingly lofty manner, “He says he has exams coming up, hasn’t looked up from his books since he got here.”

She gestured to the area of the bar behind her and, sure enough, sitting by the till was Meltyre craning over an enormous book that barely seemed to fit in his lap, muttering slightly under his breath. Next to him, piled high enough so you couldn’t see behind them, was a pile of equally lengthy and dense looking books, titles illegible from this distance. He did not look up, not seeming to have noticed the new arrivals.

“And Miss Tessa has been on the phone all evening trying to sort something. Apparently, two different board game societies booked the back room for the pub next week, and neither of them are budging.”

“Well, we can take over now if you like?” Velune suggested.

“Nah, we’ve fifteen minutes left on our shift, and Betty’s coming to pick me up in a bit anyway. Just stay here so I have someone to talk to. I’ve been _dying_.”

“Didn’t you have any customers?” Velune asked, chuckling slightly.

“You would think so! Would you not?” Fina declared with vigour, “But alas, we have had three total customers. In the last _two hours_. We’ve got these two lovebirds in the corner, and Mr. writing-the-next-novel-of-our-generation in the booth.”

She pointed to a couple having a hushed conversation, leaning close together, and then to a young man bent over a laptop typing furiously, checking his copious pile of handwritten notes that were piled around him in between several now cold mugs of tea.

“Here’s what I think.” Fina leaned in, lowering her voice to a stage whisper, “Mr and Mrs Corner came in separately, and they were mighty surprised to see each other. I think they dated for a while ages ago, and then had a horrible, torturous break up. They both regretted it immediately but were too stubborn and hurt to go and apologise. Now, its been long enough that the pain is gone, although the scars still remain, and when they saw each other again, _zing_ , all those feelings came back. They’re really hitting it off, but they’re both scared they’ll hurt each other again, and they’re in turmoil as to what they’ll do when this conversation ends. Do they leave, not knowing when they’ll see each other again? Do they agree to meet each other, risking what happiness and independence they’ve managed to scrounge up since they last saw each other? Oh, what a conundrum.”

Sterling looked at the two in the corner. They seemed perfectly happy to him, no turmoil or strife evident in their cheery if quiet conversation. When he turned back to make this observation to Fina, however, she had moved on.

“Meanwhile, Mr. Types-too-loud over here is a genius, but he’s a bit _too_ smart. He’s been recruited by a secret government organisation, and then recruited by a counter-organisation, so he’s stuck trying to balance everything, facing countless moral choices testing his mental fortitude. He’s being run ragged trying to keep up both sets of work, as well as his studies. Little does he know, but there is no counter-organisation; its all the next round of tests from the secret government organisation, testing his loyalties, and how far he’ll go, and how much he can take before he cracks.”

Velune smiled benevolently as Fina continued speaking, but Sterling scoffed.

“All you literature students are all the same; you all see nonsense stories everywhere.”

There was a brief silence before Fina burst out laughing.

“Ooo-kay, Pretty Boy, weirdly judgemental, for one.” She said when she had recovered, “For two, I don’t study literature. I’m a law student.”

Sterling spluttered in disbelief, choking on any response he could give to express his disbelief without appearing rude, even to his ears.

“Yeah, Top Gun, gotta get that money!” Fina exclaimed with delight, “Lawyers are rolling in it, if you haven’t heard. I’m going to get out of here and get rich when I’m done!”

“But- but- but I’ve never seen you in any of my lectures!” Sterling grasped at the first not overtly offensive thing that came to his head before adding nonsensically; “I’m a law student.”

“Oh, pshaw.” Fina tossed her hand, “I don’t want to waste my time listening to old white guys talk at me stuff I can just read in a book. I can’t concentrate that long, anyway. I can better spend my time… elsewhere.”

She wiggled her eyebrows and, although he didn’t know what she could possibly even be referencing, Sterling’s face flushed.

“Then why the – why the stories?” he gestured towards nothing.

“Eh, just something I do when I’m bored. I don’t like not knowing anything, so when I can’t ask I fill in the gap. What I come up with is usually way more interesting than the truth anyway. Take Meltyre, for instance.”

“Meltyre?”

“Yeah, Meltyre.” Fina pulled her guitar from seemingly nowhere and started plucking out a mysterious tune, “You know anything about the kid? I don’t. I don’t even know what he’s studying – I tried to get a peek at his books earlier, but as far as I can tell he’s got some philosophy books, some science books, some books I couldn’t even read the titles of, let alone what I could comprehend. So I ask myself a boring question, what is Meltyre studying? And I respond with an interesting answer, way more interesting than the truth usually. For instance, Meltyre is studying not any subject, but us; he’s a plant by the university administration to see what the students _really_ think.”

“Oh, I see,” Velune seemed to be getting excited, “So, for instance, you might ask yourself ‘When’s Meltyre’s birthday?’”

“Ah, Velune, I’m glad you asked. Meltyre’s birthday is in fact on the leap year; that auspicious day the 29th of February. He may seem young to us, but we can barely comprehend how young he really is; barely four. Certainly not old enough to work in a bar. That’s why he’s so nervous all the time; he’s afraid we’re going to find him out. Come on, Velune, I really had to work for that. You can do better than that.”

“Okay, okay.” Velune held their hands up in surrender, “How about… What’s Meltyre’s favourite food?”

“Ah, now you’re getting it! Well, Meltyre doesn’t have a favourite food so much as he has an _only_ food. Think about it; have you ever seen him eat? You haven’t. That’s because he only eats one thing; roast warthog in thin slices on thick slices of rye bread. He makes it special in bulk at the start of every week, and it just about lasts him. What about you, Pretty Boy? Any questions about our young co-worker?”

Sterling didn’t really understand this game, but he wasn’t going to let Fina know this. He planned to ask the first question that came into his head. But when he reached, he couldn’t find anything. All the really boring first meeting questions about Meltyre he’d already asked on their shared shift the day before; he couldn’t think of anything more to ask.

He was saved from having to think of something by the door to the bar slamming open. An enormous figure crouched down to get in and revealed herself to be Betty. Fina made another cry of joy and leapt over the bar to greet her friend.

“Betty! Sweetheart, I have never been happier to see you. I’ve been stuck here with all these soporific sots for hours. No offence Velune. You’re cool.”

“No worries.” Velune smiled serenely, while Sterling made an offended sound.

“Hey Fina.” Betty smiled down at her tiny friend, “What are we talking about?”

“The kid. Trying to figure out what’s going on with him – besides being a massive nerd, obviously.”

“Well, why don’t you ask Sterling?”

“Me?” Sterling spluttered, “Why me?”

He glanced around to see if Meltyre had heard them, but he was still focused solely on his books.

“Well, you had a shift with him yesterday.” Betty pointed out. “What did you talk about?”

“Oh, um, lots of things. Well, I mean, not a lot. It was a bit of a mess. Some people came in and they kept asking for complicated cocktails we hadn’t heard of, and we had to sort of figure them out on the fly. We kept mucking them up, and even then Meltyre kept giving them to the wrong people. But it wasn’t his fault, they were being jerks, and it was kinda fun anyway. He’s really smart, and he knows a lot about lots of things. It was really nice talking to him actually.”

“Oh, it was?” Fina leapt up, delighted, “Do you have a crush, Sterling?”

“I – no! No. No!” For the second time in the evening, Sterling blushed furiously. He made to get up, but Betty stood simultaneously and blocked his way.

“Fina, leave him be.” Velune chided gently.

“Yeah. We’re here to help Meltyre.” Betty stated.

“Help Meltyre?” Fina was diverted from her current path by her confusion, “With what?”

“Think about it.” Betty said, frowning and looking over at Meltyre, “How many times did he mess up drinks on Saturday? And he smashed that glass. And you were giving him a hard time on Friday about his customer service.”

She gave Fina a hard look. Fina put her hands up in defence.

“Hey! We squared that all up. The kid knows it’s cool now.”

“Does he?” Velune joined the conversation, realisation dawning on their face, “Has he spoken to you since? Or you, Sterling, since your shift yesterday?”

“Oh…” Fina’s voice turned from defensive to understanding in a manner that mildly infuriated Sterling, who was still lost.

“I don’t understand.” He gritted through his teeth; he did not like to admit it.

“He thinks we’re mad at him.” Velune explained gently, “He blames himself for mucking up so much, and he thinks we do too.”

“But that’s foolish!” Sterling exclaimed, “We’re all new to the job; we’re all getting used to it!”

“Tell that to the kid.” Betty stated with finality.

They all looked over at the young man with varying degrees of understanding and sympathy. As if he sensed it at last, Meltyre shut his book with a resounding _thunk_ and looked up, seeing four sets of eyes looking back at him.

“Um… Hi?” He said hesitantly. Fina was the first to leap into action.

“Meltyre! Kid! Shift’s over, get over here. I’m going to make Sterling and Velune give us a post-shift drink. We deserve it.”

“Oh, uh, okay.” He placed the book on the tottering tower of books with surprising amount of ease given its size. He shuffled down the bar, and there was an awkward few moments as Fina and Meltyre tried to leave through the small door to the bar at the same time as Sterling and Velune tried to enter. When it was sorted, everyone stood awkwardly for a moment.

“Well, let me get you your drinks.” Velune was first to speak, “Hot toddy and an ale for you, Fina?”

“Yep!”

“So, Meltyre,” Sterling asked, trying to inject as much not-mad-at-you energy as he could into his words, “What were you reading?”

“Oh, you don’t want to hear that.” Meltyre responded, confused at Sterling’s strange intensity, “I tend to blather for a bit.”

“No, we do!” Sterling insisted.

“Really? Meltyre said in disbelief.

“Yeah, sure, kid.” Fina smiled, much more subtle and thus less terrifying than Sterling in her not-mad-at-you conveyance.

“Yep.” Betty added.

“Okay, well…” Meltyre, as promised, began to ramble, but the others didn’t mind. They didn’t understand a whole lot of what he was saying, but they could understand that he was happier than they’d seen probably ever. They could also see that he was gradually becoming more relaxed as he kept speaking.

By the end of his spiel, he was gesturing with enthusiasm and laughing openly at their jokes. They were good company, and he was beginning to think that maybe there was a potential for something more than co-workers there. Maybe even friends. The idea excited him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the episode that led to me selling my heart and soul to the podcast. This chapter was all the more stressful to write for that reason. I hope it turned out okay?
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. The Crowd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a very crowded night, forcing Velune to reveal something they don't want to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay brief warning: this chapter includes depiction of a panic attack and some disassociation. Not as much as planned, because it got a bit real for me.
> 
> Please take care of yourselves!

The bar was packed. It seemed like there were people standing wall to wall, and all of them wanted a drink and to order food. Apparently, the university’s sports team – commonly known as ‘The Goblins’ – had one some big match at home, and everybody and their dog had shown up to celebrate.

Tessa was working flat out in the kitchen, frying up bowl after bowl of chips to be shipped off into the sea of people as the servers – tonight Sterling and Betty – hoped against hope that they could actually find the intended recipients. Behind the bar Fina, Meltyre, and Velune had set up a system; Velune took the drink orders, Fina made them, and Meltyre billed them. It was all working well – despite the chaos, everything was functioning smoothly.

That is, it _was_ functioning smoothly. That was until somebody yelled out at a startled Meltyre that he was still waiting on his food, and it was clear by his voice that he was getting frustrated. When Meltyre turned around he saw that the tray containing the food – some crisps and salsa – was sitting in the to-be-served window, as it should be. However, when he turned to tell Betty or Sterling to bring it to the table, he could not see them.

“Where are they?” He said to Fina, speaking loudly over the voices of the multitudinous patrons, gesturing to the pile up of food.

Fina couldn’t really hear him, but when she saw the trays – now the salsa and two trays of chips – she understood. Why Meltyre thought she would be able to find Betty and Sterling when he couldn’t, she didn’t understand. She could barely see over the bar to make people’s drinks, let alone see over their heads to see her tall friend or her somewhat snooty co-worker.

“Hey, Velune,” she shouted instead, “think you can take this food out?”

“Oh, um, well I’m sure Sterling or Betty will be back soon.” Velune smiled nervously while jotting down someone’s call for a round of beers.

“Yeah, sure, but the food needs to go out now. It’s getting cold.” Fina pointed out.

“Um, I’m taking orders.” Velune protested.

“I can handle that for the five minutes it’ll take you to deliver the food.” Fina was beginning to get frustrated as she tried to balance having the conversation while also making three different drinks, resulting in her almost dropping a glass.

“Why can’t you or Meltyre do it?” Velune felt anxiety clawing at their throat.

“Do you think either of you could make a Colorado Bulldog in under two minutes? Or a Kembo Luminous?” Fina said angrily. In quieter times she would have been willing to demonstrate the recipes, but this just wasn’t the time. She was the most experienced bartender, an as such she took point during the rush times. “I _know_ neither of us can work the till half as well as Meltyre.”

Overhearing this, the tips of Meltyre’s ears turned red, but he kept his head bowed, focussing on the aforementioned till.

“Well…” Velune began, grasping for something they could say, but they were interrupted by the sharp voice of Tessa from the kitchen.

“Would somebody just take the food out? It’s getting messy in here!”

None of the gang had ever heard Tessa sound so frustrated, and the shock of it broke down any more arguments Velune had been building up. Taking a deep breath, they grabbed the trays and ventured out into the throng.

 _Table 5, and Table 12. It will just take a minute, and I’ll be back behind the bar._ They thought to themselves, trying to summon up the calm they usually kept at their centre, _Pelor give me strength._

Around them, people moved out of the way, but only in a cursory manner, and they were forced to push their way forward as the crowds became denser. Immediately the crowds closed ranks behind them, and they were surrounded. It was as if the crowds were walls that were closing in on them. They took a deep breath, trying to remember the grounding techniques they had been taught, but every time they were interrupted as somebody jostled passed them or bumped into them.

They began breathing faster, trying desperately to remind themselves that they could breathe fine, but even though physically the air was not being constructed, it still felt as if their throat was blocked and no matter what they could not get enough air to their lungs. Their legs began to shake, and all the sound of the room somehow both faded into the background and amplified itself in their ears.

What were they doing here? They knew there was something they had to do, but it was eluding them. Everything from real life seemed far away, as if it were underwater and far away. And naturally, wouldn’t it be? After all, everything was secondary to the fact that they were _back_ and they were being _crushed_. Again.

How had this happened?

What had they done?

Had this all been a dream? What if they had never escaped? What were they thinking, that they could ever have actually escaped?

Their arms gave way. Apparently they had been carrying something? They couldn’t remember. Distantly they heard a clattering, and maybe somebody shouting?

A face swam up in front of them. Somebody looked angry. This, they remembered. Hallucinations came when the oxygen began to run out in your body. Clearly their mind felt the need to remind them that they had failed someone. Again.

“Velune? Velune?” The voice came in distantly. They tried to respond, but the pressure on their throat stopped them from answering.

Suddenly, there was a jolt in Velune’s body and the world shifted. It took a moment for it to sink into their mind that it wasn’t the world, but they who had moved. Someone had lifted them up, and seemed to be carrying them handily somewhere.

In a moment, they were outside. Gasping, they tried to inhale as much of that sweet, sweet fresh air into their lungs, their throat somehow suddenly miraculously clear. Someone gave them a glass of cold water, and they took little sips, feeling the coolness moving through their body.

Gradually, the world came back into clearer focus. They were outside the Goblin’s Head Bar, sitting on one of the outside tables that they were apparently going to use come the summer. Someone at some point had replaced their water, judging by the empty glass next to them, but they were alone now. They didn’t really know how much time had passed. They took a few more moments to collect themselves, and then braved the return to the bar.

To their surprise, the bar was all-but-empty. Betty and Sterling had reappeared and were even wiping down tables. A couple of patrons were finishing up their drinks, but it was clear that the last call had already been. A very grumpy looking Fina stood behind the bar. Velune could not see Meltyre at first, but then his head popped out from behind the bar as well, looking frazzled.

“Um, hello?”

“Oh.” Fina’s face was, for once, devoid of any humour, “Hi, Velune. Welcome back. You’re just in time for the end of the night.”

“Right. Um, sorry about that.”

“What happened, Velune?” Meltyre asked, “Are you okay?”

“Oh, I’m fine thank you.” They replied, “I just – I wasn’t feeling well. I’m fine now.”

“Right.” Fina’s voice was clipped. She leapt over the bar with an energy that was not reflected in her facial expression, revealing that she was covered in goop.

“Fina!” Velune gasped, “What happened?”

Everyone paused in their jobs.

“Uh, you dropped salsa on me when I tried to see how you were doing. Then Betty came and got you out of here.”

“Do you not remember that?” Betty asked, concerned.

“Oh – I mean – of course I remember that.” Velune frantically backpedalled, “I just – I thought you would have changed by now. Um, what time is it?”

They did not seemed to have convinced everyone. Sterling and Betty put down their cloths and turned to them, and they knew the dreaded question was coming.

“It’s nearly two.” Sterling said, “Velune, are you ok-”

“So how was the rest of the shift, chaos huh?” Velune spoke over him, something they would not normally do. “Meltyre, how are your studies?”

Meltyre did not respond, looking at them bewildered.

“Fina, how did the Open Mic go yesterday? You said you were going to try out some new songs?”

“Velune.” Betty’s voice held no argument, “What’s going on?”

“Well, it’s late, I think I’ll probably head on home.” Velune gave no indication that they had heard Betty at all, “See you all tomorrow, folks.”

“Don’t make me pick you up again.” Betty warned, blocking their way out.

“I just – I can’t deal with feeling like I’m being crushed.” Velune pushed it all out on an exhale, as if it was being punched out of them.

“Oh.” Fina tilted her head to the side, “You’re claustrophobic?”

“Sort of.” Velune admitted, “My therapist calls it acute avoidance trauma.”

“Wait, trauma?” Sterling gasped, “You mean, that has actually hap-”

“Yes, well, you know. I don’t really like to talk about it.” Velune rushed out, “That’s the avoidance part of it, I suppose. Anyhow, so if it would be possible not to put me in big crowds, I would appreciate that.”

“Yeah of course!” Fina exclaimed, “Gods, Velune.”

“Thank you kindly.”

There was a pause. Velune stared steadfastly at the ground, while the others looked at each other awkwardly, wondering what to say next.

“Anybody else?” Betty said at last.

“What?” Velune finally looked up.

“Anybody else got any requirements?” Betty expanded, “No questions asked. We could have saved Velune some pain if we’d made plans in advance.”

There was a brief silence, before Meltyre spoke up.

“I can’t really hear so well when there’s a lot of conversations or music happening at once.” He said, “And I really can’t process it when people are yelling.”

“Good to know.” Fina nodded, “It’s not such a big deal, but I can’t deal with bugs. Somebody else will have to deal with them if they get in.”

“Oh, I have one!” Sterling piped up earnestly, “I can’t deal with the really drunk customers.”

“I can do that.” Betty stated, before continuing, “I struggle when the customers try to talk to us. I have to concentrate when I’m speaking in English, and it’s harder to do on top of keeping track of orders and everything else to do. Also, I don’t like flying bugs.”

“Really?” Meltyre asked in disbelief.

“Yep!” Fina said cheerily, earlier grumpiness forgotten, “Our flat is a nightmare when there’s bugs. Well, I think all of those are things that can be dealt with. Promise we don’t keep our needs secret anymore?”

“Promise.” answered Velune, feeling for the first time in the evening their heart slowing down to a normal place. Here, at last, they were safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make! Your! Jobs! Accessible! 
> 
> Velune's experience with acute avoidance trauma is very much based on mine, because write what you know, right? I don't know as much about other sorts of trauma. Velune's whole 'lie and deflect ridiculously even though it's completely against my character' in this episode was very relatable. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! See you on Wednesday!


	5. The Flu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fina arrives to pick Betty up from her shift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks, quick heads up; this chapter includes depictions of a hospital and discussion of injury and illness. Take care of yourself!

Fina pushed open the doors to the bar, cheerily whistling. Betty and Velune were finishing up their shift, and Fina was here to pick Betty up.

It had been a pretty good day. She’d spent the day in the law library – for once! Sterling would be proud. Or he would, so long as he didn’t know she hadn’t done any _reading_ in the law library. Instead, she had taken a stack of post it notes and written notes to hide in the tomes that probably wouldn’t be seen for years _. Away, you starvelling, you elf-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish!_ and _Professor Brindle is allergic to oak leaves_ were her personal favourites. So yes, all in all a very good day. And now she was going to pick up her dear friend, and the two of them would go home and watch some terrible television while eating popcorn.

She was surprised, however, to see not Betty and Velune behind the bar, but _Sterling_ and Velune, with both looking somewhat gloomy. A nervous looking Meltyre – although, Fina supposed, she wasn’t sure what Meltyre looked like when he wasn’t nervous – was sipping at a mug of something on a stool. All three turned to face her when she came in and when they saw her, their faces fell even more.

Sterling must have come in early for his shift, Fina guessed, and relieved Betty. Although that didn’t explain why Meltyre wasn’t doing the same for Velune, or where Betty was. Probably in the bathroom or something.

“Hey guys!” she climbed up onto a stool next to Meltyre, “What’s got you all looking so glum? Can’t say I was expecting to see you two here.”

“Oh, well, I was called into cover,” Sterling explained, “and since Meltyre was with me he came too.”

“Oh, he was, was he?” Fina wriggled her eyebrows while Sterling spluttered, continuing quickly before he could say anything, “Who are you covering? Don’t tell me Betty is taking French leave! I didn’t think she had it in her, honestly.”

“Er, no, Fina.” Velune said gently, “She turned up. It’s just… she got taken to hospital, Fina.”

There was a brief silence, where all of them waited for Fina’s reaction with grave faces. Fina gave them a moment of chilled fear, before bursting into laughter.

“Wow, look at you guys!” she gasped out between giggles, “Y’all look so _serious_.”

“Well, Fina, it’s kind of a serious situation.” Sterling pointed out in confusion.

“Oh, yeah, sure, real serious.” Fina got herself together slightly, but was still grinning, “So, what did she do? Did she get in a fight? Did she _trip_? If she tripped and broke a bone again I am never going to let her live it down, did we ever tell you guys about the last time with the dog toys and the ch-”

“Wait, Fina.” Velune interrupted, “She’s not injured. She said she wasn’t feeling well, and she collapsed.”

In an instant, Fina’s entire demeanour changed. Her face collapsed into something resembling devastation, an image entirely unfamiliar on her usually jovial face. Her hands, previously gesturing wildly as was her custom, fell to her side, and all the blood seemed to drain out of her in an instance. She began shaking her head desperately and muttering to herself.

“No. Betty doesn’t get _sick_. Betty can’t get _sick_.”

“I called an ambulance,” Velune continued, “but we couldn’t get a hold of you.”

“No, no, no, this isn’t happening.” She whispered hoarsely, existential terror rising up from somewhere she usually kept it clamped down, “This can’t be happening.”

As confused as the three had been at Fina’s glibness, they were shocked at this reaction.

“Fina, I’m sure she’s going to be okay.” Velune began to soothe, “There’s a flu going around, she’s probably just caught a rough form of that.”

“You don’t understand!” Fina yelled, and to the horror of the others, tears began running down her cheeks, “I need to get to her. Where is she? Which hospital?”

She looked desperately at the others for a moment and, when they failed to give an immediate response, pushed her face into her arms and started to shake with supressed sobs. Immediately the others all began speaking at once.

“What do you mean we don’t understand? What’s going on? Is there more than one hospital here? Did anybody find out where she was going? How do we-”

“Fina, dear, I’m sure it’s going to be okay. She seemed fine, just a little poorly, and the doctors will be able to help her out. Please just take some deep breaths with me here. Come on now-”

“Lots of people are getting sick lately. It’s the season. My flatmate’s girlfriend collapsed as well a week ago – I mean, she’s still sick, but I’m sure she’ll get better. I mean probably-”

“Okay!” A clear voice rang out through the growing cacophonous panic, “Everyone, quiet.”

They all looked up in surprised silence to see a calm yet stern looking Tessa standing in the doorway between the bar and the kitchen.

“Okay. Velune, Sterling, close up the bar. Meltyre, you stay with Fina. I’m going to go bring my car round the front, we’ll all drive to the hospital – I know which one, don’t worry Meltyre – and we’ll see how Betty’s doing.”

Everyone obeyed as if hypnotised. There was something in Tessa’s voice that brokered no argument, and they all clung to the only person in the room who seemed to have any kind of grasp of control over the situation.

Fina found herself being bundled into the back of the car, snuggled between Velune and Meltyre, who both kept sending her concerned glances. The tears had dried somewhat on her face and were stinging somewhat, but she made no move to wipe them away. She just needed to get to Betty, to see that – if – she was okay.

When they arrived at the hospital, Fina practically climbed over a startled Meltyre’s lap and leapt out of the car, hurtling towards the reception. Behind her, Tessa started to park the car, but she didn’t care about any of that. She pushed past people and demanded the attention of the man at the front desk.

“I need to know where Betty Triguut is. She came in here earlier.”

He smiled at her sympathetically and started clicking around on his computer.

“Of course. Let me just get that for you sweetheart.”

The endearment rankled her, but she gritted her teeth and waited. After a moment that seemed like an eternity, he made a victorious sound.

“Ah, here we go. She’s in with the doctors right now, but if you want to go ahead and sit in this waiting room,” he pointed at the floor plan behind him, “she should be out soon enough.”

Fina didn’t say anything more to him, just dashed as fast as she could to the room he pointed out and plopped herself down there into the nearest seat, curling her legs into herself and waiting.

That was where the others found her, when they eventually caught up with her.

“Tessa couldn’t find a parking space, she’s still looking.” Sterling said when they arrived, trying and failing at cheerfulness, “NHS Parking, right?”

“Not now, Sterling.” Meltyre said quietly. He sat down next to Fina, and the other two followed suit. There was a moment of quiet, interrupted only by the bustle of the hospital around them.

“Fina,” Velune tried gently, “what’s going on?”

“Betty can’t get sick.” Fina whispered.

“Everyone can get sick, Fina.” Meltyre whispered back, confused.

“No, you don’t get it.” Fina rumbled, frustrated, “Betty _can’t_ get sick. If she does… She’s got a secondary immune deficiency disease.”

Meltyre and Velune’s eyes widened, but Sterling was still confused.

“What does that mean?” he said.

“It means.” Fina pushed her head into her hands so that her words were muffled slightly, “It means that even minor illnesses and infections can be… really dangerous.”

Hidden to the others, her eyes started to fill up with tears again.

“She got some antiretroviral therapy a while ago and she gets regular immunoglobulin replacement and she meets with clinical immunologists and doctors a lot. No, I don’t know what any of those words mean. She works out a lot because it helps, but it – what she really needs is herd immunity but it’s just not – and – I can’t lose her. She’s my best friend.”

“Aw.” A deep rumbling voice came from behind them, “You’re my best friend too, Fina.”

They all looked up to see a slightly-paler-than-normal-but-still-physically-impressive Betty looking down at them. Fina immediately flung herself at her friend, wrapping her arms around her waist and clinging tightly.

“Oh my gods, you’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay.” She pulled back and looked at her friend with a somewhat threatening glare, “You’re okay, right?”

“Yeah, got the all clear. Just a bit of a scare. I can even go home tomorrow.” Before Betty had even finished talking, Fina flung her arms back around her.

“Good.” Fina’s voice was muffled against Betty’s clothes, “You’re not allowed to get sick. Ever again.”

“Whatever you say.” Betty shook her head, smirking down at her friend before looking up at the rest of them, “Hi. Thanks for coming.”

“Of course.” Sterling said solemnly.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Velune smiled affectionately.

“So am I, Velune.” Betty patted the still quietly crying Fina on the head, “So am I.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I researched so much about autoimmune diseases for this.
> 
> So this is where it starts to get a bit further from the plot of the podcast because magic isn't a thing in this world. I'm hoping it will all go okay.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


	6. The Movie Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group gather for a Movie Night, but something seems to be up with Sterling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but I need to get it done and I'm not going to at this point so here we go.

“Well, I’m just saying, I don’t see why it matters, Sterling!”

Velune sighed and rubbed the bridge of their nose. This had thus far been a _very_ long night, and only promised to get longer. They had only arrived early to relax from work, but there had been no peace and very little quiet since they arrived.

“Of course it matters, Fina. How are you going to choose which law firms to apply to if you don’t know what you’re going to specialise in!”

Why these two were allowed to work together, they would never understand. They’d not been there before, but from what they had heard, it was _always_ like this. The two riled each other up like nobody they’d ever seen before – and they’d seen a lot.

“It’s not like you know what you’re going to do either, Captain American’t. We’re second years, we’ve got time.”

The group had gathered to watch a film at Fina and Betty’s flat after the bar had closed. Betty was playing on her phone, clearly tired from listening to the duo for even longer than Velune had been. She had long given up on intervening or diverting the conversation. For whatever reason, they seemed determined to spend the evening snarling at each other.

Meltyre, on the other hand, seemed to have hardly noticed the conversation. He sat in a corner booth, not reading for once, just staring at the table and seemingly shaking slightly. He’d been there since he’d arrived, barely acknowledging the others.

“But at least I knew there _were_ different types of law, something you might have grasped if you put any effort into your degree!”

“Okay, well, first of all, I-”

“Stop!” Tessa shouted from the kitchen, coming through with fury in her eyes, “Just stop. I can’t deal with this. I’ve been listening to this for three hours. I’m almost impressed. You’ve managed to drive away any customers we might have had. You two may as well close up early. I have some phone calls to make.”

With that, she huffed and turned around into the kitchen, locking the door behind her. There was a brief pause, before Sterling and Fina erupted again.

“Well now look what you’ve done!”

“Me? Me? What about you, Hotspur?”

“That’s enough!”

Everyone gaped in shock at Velune, who had stood suddenly having raised their voice. They rubbed at their temples, before continuing in a tired voice.

“Sterling, please, you go sort out the stock and lock the doors. Fina, you wipe down tables. Neither of you are allowed to talk to each other tonight.”

“Wow, who died and made you our parent?” Fina smirked sarcastically.

“Fina.” Betty’s voice was filled with disapproval. Fina threw her hands up in the air but went on to clean in an only slightly grumbly silence.

Sterling scoffed and went out to carry the stock back to the store cupboards. As soon as he was out of earshot, Betty turned to Velune.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“Oh, where to start!” Fina exclaimed, but was shushed by Betty.

“I did not mean that. What is up with him?”

“Besides the stick up his – yes okay, okay, Betty, just quietly scrubbing tables now.”

“What do you mean, Betty?” Velune asked gently, ignoring Fina.

“He’s really on edge.” Betty pointed out, “He’s been reacting to everything.”

Velune considered this. They supposed that this was true. Sterling had been getting used to some of Fina’s constant ribbing, but they had heard him react to things tonight he usually would have brushed off, such as Fina’s ‘affectionate’ nicknames.

“I… don’t know. Hm. Meltyre, you talk to him a fair bit, any ideas?”

“Huh?” Meltyre looked up at his name, seeming to be pretty surprised at the presence of anybody speaking in his vicinity, let alone to him.

“Sterling. He seems on edge.” Velune repeated lightly, “Any idea why?”

“Also,” Fina popped in from the side, “what’s up with you, kid? You’ve been wound tighter than an eight day clock.”

“Me?” Meltyre squeaked, his voice climbing higher with every word, “Nothing’s up with me! I’m good! Nothing’s going on!”

He kept repeating it until his voice evaporated into a squeak and eventually petered out. Fina gave him an unimpressed look.

“Remind me never to tell you a secret, kid.”

Meltyre bit his lip and ducked down again so they had no choice but to address the top of his head. He began to fidget, hands twisted and knotted tightly in his lap.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He mumbled.

“That’s okay!” Velune spoke over Fina’s protestations, “Do you have any ideas about what’s going on with Sterling?”

“Well, I know he’s stressed about his application.”

The other three looked at each other, each quietly worried that they had forgotten or missed something obvious, and then relieved when the others looked as confused as they were. There was a silent debate as to who was going to ask, which Fina eventually ended with a frustrated sigh.

“His application to what?”

Meltyre looked up again, surprised and confused.

“You know, he’s reapplication to St Cuthbert’s Academy of Education? He’s supposed to be hearing back from them in a couple of days.”

“He wants to go back?”

St Cuthbert’s Academy was a very prestigious and exclusive university. You had to be a follower of St Cuthbert to even apply – and get either top grades or be enormously wealthy in order to get in. It being so prestigious and hard to get in, nobody had ever left until very famously last year one Sterling Whitetower had been forced to leave after a scandal regarding accusations of an indecent affair with a teacher. It was becoming increasingly clear to the ‘heroes’ that Sterling was _not_ the sort of person to have actually done this, although Fina greatly enjoyed teasing him with the accusations.

“Why on earth would he want to go back to those stuffy people?” Fina demanded, “They kicked him out!”

“I don’t know!” Meltyre squeaked, “I guess he misses it? And he’s stressed about it.”

Velune couldn’t say they could even begin to understand why he might miss the people who refused to believe what was clearly the truth, or at the very least to give their friend the benefit of the doubt. But they had long ago realised that they weren’t going to understand everyone in the world, and that a lack of understanding did not mean they were excused of an absence of compassion.

“The poor dear.” They said, “Well, why don’t we let him choose the movie? If he’s worked up, maybe watching his favourite film will help him relax.”

“Noooo!” Fina moaned, “I don’t want to watch some boring western.”

“Fina.” Betty warned, “Be nice.”

Fina begrudgingly acquiesced. They went to go tell Sterling the good news, but before they could they were interrupted by a pale looking Tessa clutching her phone.

“That was the Vice Chancellor.” She said in a hoarse voice, “They’re cutting the funding for the Goblin’s Head.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Francis, you say, what does this chapter have to do with the original episode? Well... it starts with an argument between Fina and Sterling?
> 
> I was going to include a bit with everyone arguing what film to watch, but I didn't think it would fit in neatly. So, if anybody was wondering, this au's version of Sterling's favourite film is 3:10 to Yuma, Velune's is 12 Angry Men, Fina's is Room, Meltyre's is The Martian, and Betty's is a scary film in her first language.
> 
> I don't know how much I'll be posting next week, it being the week that it is, but I'm hoping at least once. Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed!


	7. The Bet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meltyre and Sterling aren't doing so well...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gee it's been a while, huh! Sorry about that folks. But I'm back now! At least, i hope so.
> 
> I case you forgot (can't blame you), welcome back to this strange college/university retelling of the best podcast. The story as such is this; the gang have been recruited as the student bartender 'heroes' of the Goblin's Head Bar. Last we left off, Sterling was re-applying back to his old university, the St Cuthbert's Academy of Education, Meltyre was stressed about something, and Tessa had just heard from the University's Vice-Chancellor that some or all of the funding for The Goblin's Head was going to be cut.
> 
> Warnings; much like the episode of the same name, this chapter involves people acting out or acting unwisely as a result of stress, including not sleeping for several days or partaking in an overindulgence of alcohol. Take care of yourselves!
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!

The atmosphere in the bar was tense. As was the case with most terrifying and important administrative decisions, there seemed to be very little hurry for the office of the Vice Chancellor to let Tessa or anyone know just how far ‘cutting funding’ went. Nobody knew just how much of the vital financial support the bar received from the university was going to be summarily removed, but general consensus seemed to be that it was going to be significant. There were even rumours that Tessa was going to have to close the bar up entirely, and at the very least there would be staffing cuts.

It had been three days since the funding cut was announced, and in that time Betty had burst two punching bags at the gym and as she stood behind the bar the bruises on her were evidence enough that she had not been fighting as smart as she usually would have. Velune next to her glanced occasionally at the tall student, clearly concerned, but Betty had somewhat gruffly deflected their earlier attempts to check her wounds, and so they had left the matter for now. They both watched as Fina finished her open mic set to a somewhat timid sounding applause; she had switched up her usual set to sing a series of increasingly furious songs about ‘sticking it to the man’. In the process of her final song she had managed to break a string on her guitar in her passion, and she dragged herself up to a stool on the bar to survey the extent of the damage.

All of this would have been stressful enough for the ‘heroes’ of the Goblin’s Head. But two of them were in a worse state than the others. Earlier that day Sterling had heard that his re-application to St Cuthbert’s Academy of Education had been denied and since then he had been firmly positioned in one of the booths of the bar, ordering drink after drink and getting deeper and deeper into his cups. Velune had eventually cut him off, at which point he had pulled a flask of _something_ out of his bag and started on that. Bringing external drink into the bar was technically against the rules, but neither Betty nor Velune had any desire to send him off somewhere without his friends, not in this state.

Meltyre was at the bar too, after some considerable pushing from Fina. They had barely seen him the past three days except for shifts, and every time he had barely uttered a word to them. Instead he buried himself in his studies, nose constantly in an enormous and incomprehensible book. He had gained a new but constant companion; an enormous thermos, almost longer than his arm, that every so often he would take a couple of glugs out of without looking up from his pages. Velune had managed to confirm that it was not alcoholic, but nobody was sure beyond that. Fina had yet to discover what it was that had been making him so anxious on Monday, but whatever it was hadn’t gone away; in fact, it seemed to have worsened. None of them had ever seen him as on edge as this, and knowing Meltyre that was saying something.

As she watched him lift the thermos up almost vertically so as to drain the very last dregs of whatever the mystery liquid was, Fina decided that enough was enough. She carefully put the guitar back in its case – she could deal with it later – and shifted over to Meltyre’s seat at the bar.

“Hey, kid. What’cha reading?”

Fina had not spoken particularly loudly, but still Meltyre jumped as if she had yelled sharply, dropping the book he had been reading. He dove down to rescue it, and Fina took the opportunity to swipe the mystery thermos. As she unscrewed the cap a sharp and bitter smell burst forth.

“Christ, kid! What is this?” she recoiled before passing the thermos to Velune for inspection.

“It’s just coffee.” Meltyre mumbled, opening up his book again. Before he could start to read again, Fina swiped it from his grasp, slamming it shut. Meltyre blinked at his empty hands for a moment before glancing up to Fina in confusion. She just frowned at him in response.

“Meltyre,” Velune said gently, “you hate coffee.”

“Yeah, but it helps. You know. To have the energy to revise.” He gestured vaguely to his piles of books. He went to reach for one but Betty quickly moved them out of the way, looking at him somewhat horrified.

“Okay, let me get this straight.” Fina frowned, “you’ve been drinking one of these every day so that you can _revise_?”

Meltyre mumbled something that wasn’t clear but sounded suspiciously like ‘two’. Fina’s eyes rose so high they looked like they were trying to escape her forehead.

“When did you last sleep?” Betty asked.

“Uh… Monday? I think.” Meltyre said after a moment.

“Oh, Meltyre!” Velune exclaimed.

“You need to sleep.” Betty insisted.

“No! I can’t!” Moments ago Meltyre had seemed somewhat dazed but it was as if anxiety had once again all of a sudden gripped itself on his heart, “I have to revise! I have to do well in my exams!”

“Aren’t you a fresher? Do – uh…” Fina glanced down at the book in her hand. _Who We Are and How We Got Here_. Well, that didn’t help. Time to take a wild guess. “Do history freshers really have exams in the first term? And do they _matter_?”

“I’m not a history student?” Meltyre cocked his head in confusion, “And no? My exams are at the end of the year?”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Fina shook her hands in front of her face, “You’ve not slept in two days because you’re studying for exams that are… eight months away?”

Meltyre nodded, frowning confusedly at the shocked looks on his three friends’ faces.

“You need to stop.” Betty said eventually. She went to pick up the pile of books, but to everyone’s surprise she was stopped by Meltyre launching himself bodily over his books and holding them down.

“No! I need to do well! It’s the only thing I -” he nearly sobbed between sharp and shallow breaths, “I need to prove I’m good at something, or they won’t let me take care of my sisters!”

He began to wheeze, words dissolving into sounds. The three others shared glances, and it was clear that none of them knew what he was talking about, but it was also clear that this wasn’t important right now.

“Meltyre,” Velune soothed, “I need you to take a deep breath. Come on, breathe with me.”

After a moment, Velune and Meltyre managed to get his breathing to a more manageable level. Betty and Fina had taken the opportunity to remove all of the books from his sight. Meltyre was still shaking but he didn’t seem aware of it; likely it was a side effect of the caffeine. Aside from that, though, he seemed to be somewhat more okay.

“Now, can you tell me what you were talking about?”

“My sisters.” Meltyre mumbled somewhat absently, “I’m trying to get custody. They’re in the system. But if I don’t have a job anymore and I can’t manage one meeting with a social worker without freaking out then the only reason that they have to believe that I can handle any kind of responsibility is my grades. It’s the _only_ thing I’m good at.”

“Okay, stop. Kid.” Fina interrupted, “First off, that’s a bunch of rubbish. You are really good at so many things. I’ll list them off another time when I think you’re going to actually understand everything I’m saying. Second off, when did you meet with a social worker?”

“On Tuesday.”

“Meltyre! Why didn’t you tell us?”

“You didn’t ask?” Meltyre responded sheepishly. Fina gave him a distinctly unimpressed look. “I told Sterling!”

Fina scoffed.

“Sterling? You told Sterling? Guy’s not only got the emotional capacity of a particularly well-meaning walrus, he’s also been so absorbed in his stupid ‘disgrace’ that I don’t think he would have even heard you.”

Meltyre started to protest, but at that moment all four of them turned to watch Sterling in his booth. As they watched, he grabbed the wrist of a passing Goblin, seeming to ask him something, before being brushed off and returning to his flask. Meltyre’s words died upon his lips.

“See!” Fina pointed out triumphantly, “Useless.”

“Meltyre,” Betty spoke over Fina, “You need to sleep. No more coffee, okay?”

Meltyre hesitated for a moment, conflict clear on his face, before slumping his shoulders in defeat. Betty patted his shoulder, and he slumped down into his own arms, face down on the bar. For a moment it seemed like he was taking their advice and going to sleep there and then, but the continuing jittering of his body let them know that the amount of caffeine he’d consumed meant that he wasn’t getting to sleep any time soon.

Fina shrugged, satisfied, and returned to trying to reattach the broken string of her guitar. After a couple of unsuccessful tries, she gave up, groaning angrily.

“Fantastic! I’m going to have to buy new strings!” she moaned, “Just what I need when my pay is about to be docked.”

“We don’t know that for sure.” Velune pointed out.

“Funding cuts mean less money. Less money means less pay.” Fina spoke slowly, as if speaking to a child, voice dripping with sarcasm, “Less pay means unhappy Fina.”

“You don’t get any joy from this job apart from the money?” Betty asked.

“Do I get joy from working long hours late at night while also doing my degree, dealing with the most horrible of students and the most drunk, constantly trying to add numbers up in my head before the people yell at me for taking too long, for no reward?” Fina put her finger to her chin in a facsimile of deep thought, “Let me think about that…”

“Okay! Okay.” Velune took a deep breath, “Well, there’s nothing we can do about that right now. What we can do is help our friends.”

She gestured to Sterling and patted Meltyre’s head, who groaned.

“Meltyre needs to sleep, and Sterling just needs to get his head out of his ass. Nothing we can do about that.” Fina scoffed, “Gods only know why he’s so upset about it. That Academy seems like a bunch of jerks, and it’s not like there’s in any _legal_ trouble. The courts dropped it, lack of evidence, remember?”

“He still didn’t get back in.” Meltyre pointed out, still face down.

“So what?” Fina sneered, “He’s better off without them anyway. He just needs to lighten up and realise that.”

“Nothing’s going to convince him of that.” Velune said, a slight twinkle in their eye. Fina immediately took it for the challenge it was.

“Oh, I could.” She laughed, “But why would I? He’s an annoying idiot, and I wouldn’t get anything from it.”

“Half my tips.”

“’Scuse me, Velune?”

“Half my tips from tonight says you can’t do it.” Velune shrugged, “You apparently need the money more than I do, and besides I don’t believe you can do it.”

“You’re on.” Fina grinned somewhat maniacally, before raising her voice to a shout, “Hey! Sterling! Pretty Boy! Get over here!”

After a moment, Sterling seemed to realise his name was being called, and lumbered over to them in a _somewhat_ graceful manner.

“Hello!” He said before collapsing next to Meltyre clumsily, nearly unseating Fina, “Greetings, my friends!”

He held up his flask in a _cheers_ gesture. The suddenness of his arrival at last made Meltyre look up, eyes wide and alarmed.

“Yeah, hey, Pretty Boy. We’re playing ‘Guess the Mystery Drink’. Meltyre’s was coffee! What’re you drinking?”

“Rum!” Sterling said triumphantly, swinging the flask towards her in a way that would have spilled the liquid if the sizeable flask hadn’t already been mostly empty.

“Rum?” Meltyre echoed in disbelief, as if processing the information. Sterling immediately swung back around to him and tried to push the flask into his hands.

“Rum! It’s good! Have some!” When Meltyre tried to push the flask away, Sterling patted his head gently and gave it to him again, “It’s better than coffee! You don’t like coffee!”

“I don’t like rum either.” Meltyre muttered, but accepted the flask, holding it awkwardly in his hands and looking to the others desperately. Fina, mindful of the bet, spoke immediately.

“Hey, buddy, just look on the bright side.”

“What bright side? There is no bright side! There is nothing left! Only the rum.” Sterling made to take another slug of rum but appeared confused to find the flask was no longer in his hands. He stared at his empty hand for a while, and then began to laugh, “There’s not even rum!”

Meltyre hesitantly tried to offer the flask back, but Sterling just laughed more. It didn’t seem like it was going to end any time soon, but after a moment he stopped abruptly and looked at Fina.

“You’re supposed to do your thing now.” He whispered conspiratorially.

“My thing?”

“You know, your thing!” He laughed again, “You know, the thing! Hey Sterling! You are an idiot! You thought that you were actually worthy of a nice thing happening to you! You thought that the truth would come out and that would mean you would have justice! You thought things were fair in this world!”

Sterling seemed to lose steam and slumped down. There was silence in the aftermath of his little spiel.

“Woooow…” Fina said eventually.

“You’re right. Nothing is fair.” Meltyre said gloomily, head falling down onto the bar.

“Maybe you two downers are right.” Fina mused gloomily.

“What are you doing?” Velune hissed, but Fina waved them off.

“No, maybe you are! I mean, after all, you didn’t get into the academy. Meltyre might not get custody of his sisters. We’re all going to lose our pay. But the important thing is we all ha-”

“What are you talking about?” Sterling interrupted. Fina rolled her eyes.

“Told you he didn’t listen.” She scoffed, “Meltyre’s trying to get custody of his si-”

“No, I know about that.” Sterling said dismissively, “But why do you think he’s not going to get custody?”

“I said _might_.” Fina protested, but Sterling spoke over her again.

“And what do you mean about our pay?” Sterling seemed genuinely confused, “You guys won’t let that happen.”

“Er, I don’t think we get a choice, Top Gun.”

“We won’t let it happen.” Sterling says confidently, “We’re heroes.”

They all gaped at him. He stared back. Why couldn’t they understood? It was in their job title and everything.

Meltyre pushed his head up so that his chin was resting on his hands. He sighed morosely.

“I’m not a hero.”

He seemed to be about to say more, but he was stopped by Sterling insistently putting a finger to Meltyre’s lips and shushing him.

“Yes you are,” Sterling said softly, “and you’re going to get your sisters back. I _know_ it.”

Meltyre looked back at him with wide eyes.

“Wait, hold up.” Fina snapped her fingers so Sterling would look at her; he was still staring at Meltyre, “Why are you upset if you don’t think anything bad is going to happen?”

“To you.” Sterling explained, “Nothing bad is going to happen to you guys. I won’t let it. And, more importantly, you guys won’t let it happen. You guys are too amazing for that. But me? Everything I’ve worked for my whole life has been taken from me. Only bad things from here on out.”

Once again, everyone stared at him. He didn’t react, just looked for his flask again.

“Good luck with that.” Velune muttered.

“Shut up Velune.” Fina muttered, “Sterling, you’re being an idiot. Think about what you just said. You’re a – I can’t believe you’re making me say this unironically – you’re a hero too. That makes you almost as cool as the rest of us. And we’re not going to let bad things happen to you either. That’s how this whole – ugh – this friendship thing works.”

Sterling stared at her. “We’re… friends?”

“Sterling, I’m never going to say this again, but of course we’re friends you dunce.”

Sterling gawked at her for a moment before breaking into a wide grin. To her disgust, he reached over and ruffled her hair.

“Friends…” he whispered to himself in awe, before getting distracted by a car driving past the window.

“Okay.” Betty said at this moment, “You two need to go to sleep. I hope you remember _some_ of this tomorrow.”

She put a hand on both Meltyre and Sterling’s shoulders and all but dragged them out of the bar.

“Pay up Velune!” Fina cried cheerily, “You lose!”

Without a word, Velune handed over the money they had already prepared. They were perfectly fine to lose this one.

**Author's Note:**

> I did it! A College AU.  
> So, the idea is that each chapter is going to roughly correspond to an episode of the podcast (some a lot more loosely than others). The chapter count is at 13 now, but I am planning to do series two at some point.  
> If anybody has any questions, I'm happy to answer.  
> I hope you enjoyed!


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